Monday, November 8, 2010

THE WIND CHIME TREE

NINE YEARS.

ONE WIND CHIME FOR EVER MOMENT MISSED.


I DIDN'T BOTHER COUNTING THEM THIS YEAR.

I ALREADY KNOW.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

KEEPSAKE

I FOUND IT TODAY.
IT WAS JUST...  THERE.

AND I HELD IT CLOSE.
KEPT IT IN MY POCKET.

SUCH A SIMPLE THING, REALLY.


BUT DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU HAD INSCRIBED ON THE BACK FOR ME?

LOVE.  ALWAYS AND FOREVER.

MAYBE IN OUR NEXT LIVES.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

EYES TELL ALL

SARAH FLIPS THROUGH AN OLD PHOTO ALBUM AND PAUSES
ON A PICTURE OF YOU AND I.

SHE SIGHS AND SAYS;
"I WISH I COULD'VE KNOWN YOU BACK THEN.  YOU KNOW, BEFORE-"

AND I THINK, I THINK, I KNOW WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY.  BEFORE
YOU DIED, BEFORE MY WORLD CAME TUMBLING DOWN.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

SARAH SAYS, "BEFORE THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES FADED."


SHE TRACES MY EYES IN THE PICTURE AND LOOKS AT ME SADLY.

I GUESS I JUST NEVER REALIZED YOU COULD TELL I WAS BROKEN
JUST BY LOOKING AT ME.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

THE PERFECT DAY

REMEMBER WHEN WE DROVE TO THAT EMPTY FIELD
AND MADE LOVE ON AN OLD BLANKET?

WE LAY THERE
BARE-
EXPOSED TO EACH OTHER,
TO THE ELEMENTS,
AND YOU REACHED OVER TO GRAB MY HAND
QUIETLY SLIPPING A RING ON MY FINGER
AND WHISPERING:

"forever, sweet girl?"




THAT, WAS THE PERFECT DAY.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

FROM HIM TO ME

YOUR MOTHER FOUND A BOX IN YOUR OLD ROOM
WITH MY NAME ON IT.
INSIDE- 
BITS AND PIECES OF OUR LIFE TOGETHER.
OUR LOVE,
OUR JOY,
AND A POEM YOU WROTE THAT YOU NEVER GAVE ME...

"we embrace
like the first two pieces of 
a jigsaw puzzle
whose arms and legs it seem 
reach into one another
and interlock so
that there is not even the tiniest breath of space
that would make you doubt it was me
and not one of the other 498
who compliment you so
and make sense of your shapes and colors"


DO YOU SEE?
 NOW, MY WORLD IS SENSELESS.

Friday, August 27, 2010

WINTER

WE USED TO TAKE LONG WALKS
TO WATCH THE SNOW FALL EACH MORNING
AND THE STARS FALL EACH NIGHT.


BUT WITHOUT YOU-
I AM MUCH TOO TIRED TO WALK HALFWAY THERE EACH MORNING,
OR TAKE THE LONG ROAD HOME EACH NIGHT.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

FALL AND FADE

YOU ARE WITH ME
ALWAYS.
YOU ARE WITH ME
AND I AM WITHOUT.

-FALL AND FADE-
FALL AND FADE
TO BLACK.

I HATE THEM-
WANT TO HATE THEM:
THE HAPPY COUPLES,
THE ROMANTIC MOVIES,
LONG WALKS,
STOLEN KISSES,

SEPARATION.

I BURN THE WORDS.
BURN THEM ALL.  BURN
UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT
BUT AIR AND ASH.



BOTH WILL FALL AND FADE
WITH ME.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

THE WRITING ON THE WALL

I WROTE YOUR NAME IN THE CLOUDS,
BUT THE SUN CLEARED IT AWAY.

I WROTE YOUR NAME IN THE SAND,
BUT THE TIDE CARRIED IT TO SEA.

I WROTE YOUR NAME IN MY HEART
WHERE IT WILL STAY



FOREVER.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

THE END

YOU ONCE ASKED ME HOW IT ALL ENDS.

YOU PONDER THE INEVITABLE.
I'VE LIVED IT.

I TELL YOU IT ENDS WITH GOODBYE, OF COURSE.
A LITTLE WHITE LIE. A GIFT OF HOPE.

OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, IT ENDS WITH BEAUTY.
NOT WITH A WHIMPER BUT WITH A BANG






PERHAPS, WITH A SIMPLE DREAM.  PERHAPS?

GOODNIGHT, SWEET GIRL.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

SCHEDULING ERROR

MOST DAYS I MANAGE
TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY,



TO NOT THINK TOO MUCH.

BUT TODAY I MISS THE WAY YOU KISSED ME

TOUCHED ME

 LOVED ME.

Friday, August 13, 2010

CHANGES

YOU CHANGED ME, YOU KNOW?



GAVE ME NEW WORDS WITH EACH TOUCH.
AND I KNOW,
I KNOW-
THAT THERE IS STILL A PLACE WHERE I WILL ALWAYS BE YOURS.

WHERE EVERYTHING IS FELICITY
AND ECSTASY
AND ELABORATELY

OURS.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

TRANSFORMATIONS

I HAD THIS TEACHER, TENTH GRADE ART, I THINK, WHO SWORE SHE WAS A BUTTERFLY IN A PAST LIFE.

CRAZY, RIGHT?





I THOUGHT SO TO, UNTIL I MET A MAN WALKING DOWN FIRST STREET WHO TOLD ME HE WAS A FUCKING CATERPILLAR, JUST WAITING TO TRANSFORM.

COINCIDENCE?

I DUNNO, MAN.  SARA, YOU REMEMBER SARA, THE SKINNY BITCH FROM THE TWENTY-FOUR HOUR DINER ON BEALE AND WASHINGTON.  ANYWAY, SARA ALWAYS SAID THERE WERE NO COINCIDENCES.  SHE CALLED HERSELF A BYSTANDER, REMEMBER?  SHE ALWAYS LISTENED TO US RAMBLE, TOOK NOTES WITH HER EYES.  SARA WAS ALWAYS THE POET I WISHED I COULD BE.

ANYHOW, TRANSFORMATIONS.  LAST AUGUST I HAD THIS DREAM.  NO SCRATCH THAT.  NOT A DREAM.  A REVELATION.  AN EPIPHANY.  AND YOU WERE THERE, TRANSFORMED, CAUSE ONCE YOU DIE YOU'RE NEVER THE SAME.  AND I WAS THERE, AND MY HEART WASN'T BROKEN AND NOTHING WAS BROKEN AND YOUR LOVE REMAINED FIXED AND NEVER STUMBLED AND THE LIGHT WAS MIDNIGHT BLUE AND THE MUSIC WAS SOMETHING SWEET BECAUSE LOVE IS THE WINTER MOON AND DREAMS MAKE UP SEVENTY-THREE PERCENT OF THE EARTH.

I TOLD SARA, OVER TOO MUCH CAFFEINE AND TOO MANY CIGARETTES THAT THEY (YOU KNOW THEY, THEM, THE DREAMS ETC.) STOPPED MAKING SENSE AFTER YOU DIED.  THE DREAMS I DREAMED ON THOSE MIDNIGHT BLUE DAYS - SHIT, THEY BELONG TO THE MOTHER STAR.

REMEMBER, THE ONE THAT FELL THE DAY WE WERE BORN.  I MEAN, REALLY BORN.  AND SARA SMILED BECAUSE SHE KNEW THIS AS WE ALL DO WHEN THE CHOICES ARE NO LONGER OURS.  SHE SMILED AND SIGHED BECAUSE I WAS ONCE HER AND WE KNEW THE WAY THE WORLD WORKED. SHE SIGHED AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?  SHE SAID:

i've seen this city sleep - or never sleep - and wake(?)
in the cruel hours just before dawn.  it's soft machinery
slowly whirring, slowly starting, slowly whispering:
they've forgotten the truth here.

AFTER YOU DIED, I COULD HEAR IT.  IT'S INSIDES BEGGING TO REMIND US.  IT'S GUTS YEARNING TO SPILL OVER.  INFECT.  DESTROY.  START AGAIN.

SOMETIMES THE TRUTH IS BURIED SO DEEP NOT EVEN THE EARTH REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL LIE.  UNTIL IT'S FORCED TO SCREAM.  AND EVEN THE MOTHER STAR CRIES.

MY POINT IS THIS:  IT'S ALL A TRANSFORMATION.  EVERYTHING.  LIFE.  DEATH.  LOVE.  WELL, ESPECIALLY LOVE.  WHAT DID I SAY?

I SAID THE FIRE'S BURNING AND THE CITY SLEEPS.  I SAID WE DON'T DREAM HERE AND NOBODY DREAMS HERE AND THE WALLS THAT KEEP THE REAL YOU SAFE, WELL SARA OR SOMEONE LIKE HER BREAKS THEM DOWN.  BURNING WITHOUT COINCIDENCE.  

I SAID SPRING IN ASTORIA.  AND THE EARTH STOPPED SCREAMING AND THE MOTHER STAR IS REBORN AND SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING ALMOST BEAUTIFUL, ALMOST FUCKING BEAUTIFUL, IS BORN.  

I SAID EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON BECAUSE DREAMS MAKE UP SEVENTY-THREE PERCENT OF THE EARTH.

I SAID SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY.

I SAID SOUL-MATES.





I MEANT IT.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

PARTING WORDS

THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU
AND
THE LAST TIME I SPOKE TO YOU,
YOU SAID THE SAME THING:



"SEE YOU SOON, SWEET GIRL."

IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

GUILT

THE MAN THAT KILLED YOU HAD A DAUGHTER.
SHE'S PROBABLY A TEENAGER BY NOW.



I NEVER LEARNED HER NAME.

BUT I WONDER IF SHE CARRIES HER FATHER'S GUILT

THE WAY I CARRY MINE.

SANTA MONICA

DO YOU REMEMBER THE PIER
THAT I TOLD YOU REMINDED ME OF POETRY?





THE LIGHTS AND SOUNDS AND
NOISELESS SECRETS?

IT'S STILL THERE, OF COURSE.

EXCEPT NOW, I CAN HEAR THE NOISELESS SECRETS
WHISPERING IN THE NIGHT WIND.

MOST OF THEM SAYING:

LOVE ME, LOVE ME, LOVE ME.


IF ONLY YOU STILL COULD.

Monday, August 9, 2010

YELLOW TULIPS

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AFTER YOU WERE GONE,
YOUR MOM DUG UP ALL THE YELLOW TULIPS.

REPLACED THEM WITH FORGET-ME-NOTS.



WHEN YOUR SISTER ASKED WHY, I TOLD HER:

"THE TULIPS STOPPED GROWING WHEN YOU LEFT."

SHE UNDERSTOOD.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

SUNDAY MORNINGS

TODAY I WOKE UP AND MISSED
SUNDAY MORNING CROSSWORDS
AND 
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S.




NAKED, SLEEPY DAYS.
THAT'S WHAT WE CALLED THEM.

SUNDAY WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

YOUR BALLERINA

YOU ALWAYS ARRIVED TEN MINUTES EARLY TO PICK ME UP FROM BALLET.






AND YES, I ALWAYS NOTICED.
HOW COULD I NOT, WHEN YOU STARED AT ME LIKE I WAS THE MUSIC.
LIKE I WAS LOVE.

I DON'T THINK I EVER GOT THE CHANCE TO TELL YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL THAT MADE ME FEEL.

Friday, August 6, 2010

SWEET DREAMS







YOU USED TO TALK IN YOUR SLEEP.

IN FACT, YOU ONCE HAD AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION,
USING THE MOST BRILLIANT BRITISH ACCENT,
ABOUT POKEMON AND THE JAGUAR XJ6.

I STILL SMILE THINKING ABOUT IT.

AND I STILL HAVE THE LITTLE PIKACHU DOLL 
I NEVER GOT TO GIVE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS THAT LAST YEAR.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

YOU'RE GONE NOW, BUT...



TODAY, FOR THE SMALLEST FRACTION OF TIME, ONE FRACTION, ONE MILLION FRACTURES, ONE GHOSTLY IMAGE.
YOUR WORK BOOTS IN THE ENTRY WAY.  




WHERE YOU LEFT THEM EACH NIGHT WHEN YOU CAME HOME.
THEY HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN YEARS, I KNOW.
THEY SHOULD STILL BE THERE NOW,
WOULD STILL BE THERE NOW...
BUT THERE WAS 


TOO


MUCH 


BLOOD.